The Short Bus Rules
As many of may know, we have our very own Short Bus. Our driver (your driver should you choose to join us) is and always will be, Heili. As courtesy to all future participants, we’ve taken the time to write some rules of conduct and code for our tour bus. It’s our greatest dream to someday actually have a Short Bus tour of Finland. So for those who wish to join us when this day comes, please read on…
1. Bring your own booze. All FU Tours are strictly a BYOB.
2. Lick everyone who you THINK has your name on them. If anyone has a problem with seeing your name, we will provide sharpie markers so that you may boldly mark your territory prior to licking. No marking AFTER.
3. No pissing in the empty beer bottles, someone might mistake it for a fresh one and drink it. If you need absolutely need to piss and cannot wait for the bus to stop, we suggest you find an open window and you’d better have good aim! We’ve found the windows in the back of the bus work best for this type of situation.
4. Clothing is optional.
5. If it looks like puke, smells like puke, then there is a high likelihood that it is puke.
6. No making out, fondling or feeling up the hood ornament. (Please see the first blog, ‘Just A Short Bus Ride..‘ for further understanding of who the hood ornament is and why it is we can’t allow this kind of treatment. Thank you.)
7. All alcohol must be tested and proven worthy to enter the bus. A panel of tasters will be selected before we disembark on any mission. What happens on the FU Tour….Stays on the FU Tour.
8. The driver has control of the music at all times. Sorry, no exceptions to this one.
9. Just because we have bouncers doesn’t mean they actually bounce, so everyone must get along. Although, they’ve been known to willingly share a shot or two so feel free to support your local bouncers.
10. NO passing out. If you pass out, you give automatic consent to allow the FU Short Bus crew to redress you in any way they wish. Believe us, it won’t be pretty…
This may include but not limited to: makeup, hair styling, miniskirts*, fishnet stockings, high heeled pumps (what we lovingly call ‘porno pumps’), wigs, jewelry and/or shaving.
11. No using Kissa’s port-a-pole unless you have her express written consent! Any and all violators will be fined a minimum of 6 beers AND 5€ payable to the resident Bouncer.
12. We do not trust Eskimos wearing high heels that ride polar bears even if they offer gas money. So there is absolutely NO picking up Eskimo hitchhikers.
13. All moshers are subject to the empty beer bottle treatment if action occurs outside of the designated moshing area, courtesy of Helhund.
14. Whoever wishes to ride shotgun to the driver must beat out everyone in a competition of keg stands. For anyone not wishing to compete, we offer a friendly round of beer ponging on the roof deck.
- *mini = mid-thigh range
- *inny tinny mini = just under the butt with a touch of cheek action
- *belt = we think the name says it all
Remember peeps, we’re here to drink irresponsibly, have some good old-fashioned inappropriate fun and to leave our permanent stamp on Finland. Let the nudity begin!
Oops, We mean fun…