It was a chilly but bright day when Kissa, Heili and Kaheli arrived at Helsinki, Finland via Finn Air. To their utter amazement the sun was still shining and it was midnight. Thanks to a local name Jarpi, who informed us that it was normal, rest and peace was once again restored to the motley group of three. Waiting for them at baggage claim were Irkku, Enkeli and their beloved Annar, who made the trip from Turku just to see them. Enkeli set off to retrieve our awaiting chariot, a mini bus. Kaheli, Kissa and Heili had gone to great lengths to ensure Enkeli had received the keys in time for their arrival. The mini bus, as it turns out, is actually a short bus. A very short bus. You know the type, right? Where the front seat is the back seat and the back seat is the front seat. A very short, short bus.
As were loading our bus and laying claim to our seats, Kaheli declares Heili our Official Short Bus Driver. We may live to regret this later as you will soon read. Or maybe not. Enkeli boldly states she’s going to play with the wipers, Kaheli lays claim to playing with the blinky lights and Kissa is going for the doors. Not to leave, but to play. Woo hoo, we’re having some fun now, huh? Just wait…
Just a few miles down the road, we soon realize that Irkku, our official navigator and a Finnish native, may not actually know where we are, where were going or even how to get there. Despite the fact that the bus came with GPS, Irkku found it practically impossible to even read the thing with Heili hitting every bump, curb and pothole she could find. Irkku freaks out for a moment as she realizes that we may have just missed our exit…Oops.
Having gotten bored playing with the doors and wipers, Kissa and Enkeli have moved to the roof. With lawn chairs. Comfort first, you know. Heili, ever conscience of safety first, hands them a bunch of jock straps for securing their chairs and bodies. Which they definitely need as Heili is managing to hit every bump, curb and pothole she can find. Irkku, after having heard all of our plots and plans, has decided that following in a taxi would be best. And far safer. Ok, if you’re sure…So now here we are, riding along and having a party when Heili decides to take the short bus drifting. In case you’re wondering what drifting is, it’s where you cruise down the road sideways. Yep, that’s right, sideways. Bumps, curbs and potholes, sideways.
Somewhere along the way we decide we need some refreshments so we stop to pick up some Jäger. Who should we find to take along for the ride? The Rasmus and Apocalyptica. Sweet, now this is starting to sound like some serious fun… With the cellos, drums and even a video camera. We, the FU crew, have decided that Lauri would make the best hood ornament ever so we set to the task of strapping him onto the hood. Yep, more jock straps. Safety first, you know? Can you see it? Riding down the road, Lauri strapped to the front of a short bus full of people in desperate need of meds and therapy, arms out, head thrown back like the figurehead on a pirate ship with the flag of Finland in one hand and a bottle of Jäger in the other. The FU Short Bus Ship. Kaheli is squeezed somewhere between Perttu’s belly button and the window in the front seat. Kissa is still on top screaming like it was some kind of a roller coaster ride at Six Flags Over Finland, if there was one that is. Enkeli is right beside her with a death grip on the arms of her lawn chair while Aki sits in her lap with the biggest bug ridden grin ever. Enkeli, of course, has her face buried in Aki’s back sniffing deeply because, well, the man just smells good. But why Enkeli’s lap? One, it was on top of the bus. The best seats on the bus, you know. Two, Kissa is screaming too loudly. Three, no room on the bus unless he was willing to share a 6” space with Pauli. He wasn’t. And Pauli was given a window seat so we could make more room by stuffing his hair out the window. Besides, he likes the wind in his hair. It makes him happy and keeping Pauli happy is very important. In the midst of all of this, Eero has his handy dandy video camera going, filming everything like it was the 6 o’clock news. Paavo is in the other front seat, playing with all the controls while telling Heili how she should drive. Big mistake…she ends giving him a head butt with the next pothole.
And now you’re wondering where is Mikko? Did we leave him out of this short bus ride? No, we didn’t. He opted to be strapped to the back of Kissa’s chair so he could make sure no creepy people were following us. Frankly, we believe he just didn’t want to leave his drums alone up there with Kissa, Enkeli and Aki nor did he want to share his bottle of Jäger. Somehow, somewhere, we’re not sure where but Mrs. Ghost became a passenger. She managed to find her way to the back, smack up against the emergency exit. Who’s that guy she’s cuddling? Better yet, where did we find him? He looks von familiar. And Mrs. Ghost looks extremely…satisfied.
Panic sets in for just a brief moment as we wonder, where’s Annar? OMG, don’t tell us we left her. She would never forgive us if we did…Nope, she’s in the back seat looking out the window watching the scenery pass by sideways, trying very hard not to notice that Eicca’s bums are rubbing her cheek ever so softly. Or is she in the front seat? Kind of hard to tell…you know? Next time, Heili says, could we please take the tour bus? We can fit more on that way, you know? Of course, if we did take the tour bus, maybe we wouldn’t freak out so much when someone announces they needed to use the potty.
One last time…does Irkku want to ride the bus with us? Sure, she says, why not? Sounds fun. Make room for Irrku; she’s coming along for the ride. Someone please call and cancel the taxi. We won’t need it after all. We would call but we’re not sure where our pockets begin and the bums end.
All in all, it’s been quite the adventure cruising the countryside of Finland. Next time, we’re coming with plenty of duck tape and a fold out map. Screw GPS. Although the next time Aki decides to ride the roof, he might want to consider not grinning so much even though we thoroughly enjoyed the site of him picking out bugs from his teeth. Poor Pauli, he had the hardest time getting his back in the window, but he managed with a wee bit of help from Annar. Is it us or did his ‘fro get bigger? Kissa ended up with looking like she had a permanent facelift going with a Medusa hairdo guaranteed to make any Hollywood makeup artist jealous. Enkeli managed to maintain herself, which wasn’t hard considering she was buried in Aki’s back the entire time. And Lauri…how does he do it? He looked the same coming off the hood as he did when we strapped him to it.
By the way, did we mention the moose?